I’m losing track of the days, I think it’s been at least a week since I’ve blogged. But it is every day, all day that I think about Love, connect and observe the funny little ways that we humans are in relationship with love. Just this morning I caught myself indulging some judgmental thought regarding the way my husband does something. I say indulge because it started in the house (where the wrong-doing was taking place!) and it wasn’t until I was at University Ave. that I even realized I had myself headed down the hole. In that moment of time I realized something.
I realized that I was perfectly comfortable in my indulgent trip. I mean, it wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t nearly as good as being connected to love and Source (which by the way there isn’t room in the same breath for judgement and love, it’s one or the other), but it wasn’t “uncomfortable”. It felt like an old habit, like a well-worn shoe that I’m extremely hesitant to throw away because what if I NEVER find another she that comfortable?
Then I remembered that yesterday I was talking with Lesly (the office manage in my acupuncture practice) and we were talking about the 29yr. old woman who was kidnapped 18yrs. ago and held captive in tents in the backyard of her captor, bearing him two children, and not really trying to escape. News reports that in these kind of circumstances a kidnappee “bonds” with their kidnapper. So, we were talking about how that happens, Lesly and I. It’s sort of tough to imagine. And this morning I realized, that it’s no different than what I had going on in my indulgent trip. It’s a human thing. We get used to, and therefore, comfortable with what we do over and over. It doesn’t mean it’s serving, but it does feel comfortable. It takes work to practice holding different energy. It’s hard to part with our comfortable shoes. But admittadly, the new ones are usually just as good, if not better.
I surmise that the only reason we hold ourselves apart of Source/Love is because we haven’t practiced it as much as all the other stuff, thus, it’s not as comfortable. We seek comfort as humans. Only when we’re forced for some reason to change does a new track of comfort get laid. Pretty soon, that feels comfortable, and we might even say, “oh that’s not so bad!” Even though we went in practically kicking and screaming.
I have no idea if that’s what happened in the case of the kidnapped girl. But yesterday, I couldn’t understand it and today, I have more of a glimpse of understanding. We just can’t give up on the practice. We can’t give up because nothing else means as much as Love. Note to Self: Remember Love
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